We just had a ‘confrontation’ just now, and just like
always, it’s not even about me, it’s about his mom. But it was enough of an
excuse for him to make me feel worthless. I did not even utter a syllable and
got to my room. Honestly, I just don’t know what to say, my mind was blank.
Maybe ‘he’ is right, I am really an idiot. Even when I got to my room, my heart
ceased to stop hitting on my chest, and my hands were cold and trembling
slightly, and I felt sweat drops gathering on my forehead.
I don’t want to feel small, so I tried to focus on something
else, I went to Facebook. I used to be interested in having a peek in other
people’s life, but this time I simply cannot. The more I looked at the people
smiling in the photos, the more I felt nervous. My vision kept on wavering, and
I kept on telling myself, ‘he’ wasn’t even mad at me, but I can’t help it. I
really hate being like this, I really really hate this feeling.
Now that I’ve calmed down a bit, I start to wonder, is there
any other families experiencing this? I am pretty sure there is, probably even worse. I don't know why am I making such a big deal out of this. Oh well, I sincerely hope that my future family will be free of all this 'drama'.
On the bright side, I feel much better after writing this, the lump in my throat
is still there though, but I guess it’ll be fine soon.
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